Actively Willing

Is it not good you’ve had this wake-up call?
Another “touch” not heavy hit at all –
I’m sick and tired of hearing that old sound;
Internal fight – that’s where the battle’s found.

In CPE they said severity,
Irrelevant it is to one in need
Of being heard – “Please let me own today
The way I feel – if not, then go away”.

First round, I faced mistakes the docs denied;
They said, “We’re right, so just be satisfied;
You’ve flown beneath the radar’s seeing eye;
A touch that’s all, no chance that you will die”.

And that was fine until I heard them lie
Right to my face – good chance that I could die;
This time this nurse held the back this one report,
Until I gave a gentle-firm retort.

This time it said, “Not in the margins inked”,
So when combined with former post, it linked
Me to the past, and I relaxed once more,
Because I knew here was the open door.

I settled down to doughnut, and sat back
To take it in – then saw they had my back;
I felt at home – like former crises times –
A place to heal – this medic’s place was mine.

The wake-up call is good right now for me;
A bullet missed – this time I’d better be
More focused on my health from now to end,
For health concerns exist, and will not bend.

I do not like to start “Survivor’s clock”
Back at the first, as second ’round I walk;
Lord, hear my plea – internal battle now –
Help me to win – these fourteen years allow.

I’ve got some work on earth I’ve still to do;
Then, when I’m done, okay, I’ll come to view
It as okay – but now it’s up to me –
Face this disease – courage and dignity.

I want to live, and thrive within this world;
To make my mark, thus ease this earthly swirl,
Within my scope and scale of life around –
To photograph –A.T. technique I’ve found.

So Lord, I thank you for reprieve today;
Help me to cope, to process this some way;
It’s part of life, I know a lot’s around;
Please grace this day – that in the end I’m found –

To be Your man; be open to Your word;
Responsive to the parts, when they’ve been heard,
I need to know to live in victory;
Please grace me Lord, that I full years might see.

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