The Sanctuary

The question which perplexes us is not diverting us,
Though puzzl-ing and struggl-ing both generate a fuss;
So push on through, do not back down, avoid, capitulate –
When it resolves, return is high – engage for Goodness sake.

Right now it's cash, and ‘writer's rights’, and how to go beyond
Past co-dependent twisted ways as chasms ’fore me yawn;
Like Captain Hook before the plank coerced to walk on out,
There always seems to be some crew who circle round about.

Some silent are, they don't respond, just wish I'd go away;
While others are overtly cruel, prefer my hide to flay;
Then there's the ones who sneak around, betray through covert plans,
Who are that way to everyone, so no-one understands.

The ones who get my goat today have mischief built right in;
They do not see what they're about, but spread around their sin;
They're co-dependent – drive me nuts – I'm sucked in every time,
Until I wake up – broke again – they see as theirs what's mine.

And all the while I've gone along – said ‘yes’, ‘amen’, ‘let's go’,
Then found it's not reciprocal, though I assumed it so;
Then it reveals its ugly head – ‘commission-dectomy’ –
To press my rights when that occurs, betrays the best of me.

Two years ago I learned from her it's best to show ‘restraint’–
The concept of the ‘no’ in life, ‘hold back’, and say, ‘it ain't’–
But now I see I'd best apply this concept to my ways,
Before I walk along too far – do work where no one pays.

Okay, but what about this time? This thirty-fifty K?
Do I capitulate once more and try another day?
My mouth has led me down this path, through ways I learned when young;
But now, grown up, I find those ways are how I'm getting stung.

And others follow in my ways, to much the same effect –
They sally forth and windmills tilt and end up deep in debt;
This is not Sixties where the cash flowed out to smooth our way;
But life is tight, the parties o’er – I do not live today.

I heard a story of the day first Christmas, World War I,
When firing ceased and enemies together hadsome fun;
But when it stopped, and war resumed, some lingered, seen by all –
The last to see the world had changed, were first to take the fall.

I grew up with a set of myths which fit my world at home;
They even worked outside of it went in the world I roamed;
I ran afoul of Gatling guns, grenades, and mortar shells,
Then scurried, wounded, to my trench, agreeing, ‘War Is Hell '.

Myth one – I'm part of larger group (but no – a TCK);
Myth two – there's cash, resource for all (when only some get paid);
Myth three – I'll always be supplied (but not when cash is tight);
Myth four – no evil one exists (and thus no need to fight).

No doubt there's more, but that's enough to lay the problem bare –
My myths of life quite silly are, when gone, they're so much air;
As I stand back and look again, I wonder what is sure?
Is anything which we were taught quite firm, the ground secure?

It's like in San Jose last year – one hairy place to drive –
A red light means to honk and swerve, slow down – and yet they thrive;
It's like they read each other's minds, engage some ancient pulse;
If you don't understand their ways, you drive with poor results.

I've tried a hundred ways to do my ‘It’ without success;
I wonder if the problem is my myths I must address –
Not myths of life, but of my world – this place to me is strange –
What are the ways the traffic flows? How is their life arranged?

I see it now – there's pockets where bewildered gather ’round,
Like trenches back in World War I where shelter crude was found;
Those in the clear take multi-hits, so all are hunkered down;
I've lived as though a truce exists – above, not underground.

                                   *****

That's right! I've just decoded them – entrenched, they’re hunkered down,
Quite safe from shells, and mortar fire, and gunshots all around;
Some have been hit, lost tanks and guns, and now recovered are –
That's good, for, given time, we can recover from a jar.

Decoded, I can walk around and make my presence felt,
Without defensive plays engaged as in their midst I've dwelt;
I doubt each group could be defined that way, but this one can,
Which works for me – and bids me now all institutions scan.

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